A Childs Point of Contact

Realistically, the idea of having the perfect work-life balance doesn’t exist. Someone or some tasks will get the short end of the stick. The true testament to doing your best as a family member and a functioning working adult is making difficult decisions and accepting the consequences - good or bad. That wasn’t a concept I truly understood until later in my life, and I don’t think it’s something any child would know until they are in their parent’s position. Being told, “You might get fired for taking off from work the day before Thanksgiving.” was a ludicrous idea for a 19-year-old. What do you mean I could be fired? Doesn’t everyone want to spend time with their family? Regardless of how some may feel towards their families, I always assumed that people would like to be surrounded by loved ones during the holiday season. How could I be punished for that? I still found myself as a 19-year-old with her third switch in college majors. I had a job - not a career. My basketball official/graphic designer dad went away a lot while I was growing up. I can recall the times he was home during the day. It was such a normal thing in my childhood, and I thought everyone’s dad’s jobs required that to go away a lot. I had grown accustomed to seeing my mom throughout the day and my dad every once in a while. Fast-forward to high school - my rebellious teenage years. Although, if you were to ask either of my parents, they’d lie and tell you how great I was. But, like all teenagers, I had my moments. I remember the routine during the holidays: Dad’s house on Thanksgiving eve. Mom’s on Thanksgiving day. Mom’s house on Christmas Eve. Dad’s on Christmas day. My brother and I didn’t have the set-in-stone “every other weekend” like most of our friends had. If our dad had a game in D.C., we’d travel with him no matter what time of the year it was. Sometimes, because we lived so close to New York City, we’d take New Jersey Transit to Madison Square Garden and sit so close to the court; it felt like we were the children of celebrities. Watching the games was exciting. The waiting afterward while my dad and his colleagues looked over tapes and showered felt like hours. But, it was his job. I never got upset because I knew I didn’t want to look like the bratty kid he brought along to his workplace. As my dad transitioned in his career to freelance artist and became a vet in the WNBA, his schedule became more sporadic and demanding. My siblings and I also grew older with our own jobs and activities that required so much more of our attention. When you get older, there’s more responsibility put on the sons and daughters to make their own effort to see their parents. Of course, the priorities of one person doesn’t always translate to others. As a 15-year-old, I know my sister thinks it’s the end of the world if she misses one session of volleyball practice. I know this, because when I was 15, I remember thinking I would be hated by all my friends and teachers if I missed a day of play rehearsal. My brother, an overachieving freelance artist, barely makes time to feed himself most days or see the light of day. He’s often glued to his computer working on commission after commission. And then there’s myself, my father’s oldest. While dozens of memes are out there explaining the plight of the eldest child, I’ll share my experience: I’ve changed majors 4 different times and worked as a server and bartender in 5 different locations. I became a teacher’s assistant for a few years while still working at restaurants. In the midst of it all, I worked on different passion projects that eventually fizzled out because, let’s be honest, I’m still trying to find myself as a creator. The extra weight of being the eldest is also trying to set the best example for the younger siblings. When work was overwhelming and life seemed to be just a little too much, I’d still make time to see my dad when he was around. Rarely do I say I don’t have time because, in my mind, it’s just the thing I have to do. Out of the dozens of life lessons, my dad taught his children over the years, the one that stands out the most is this: It’s never as good as you think it is. It’s never as bad as you think it is. Applying that to every aspect of my day-to-day life had made an immeasurable impact on my experience with balancing work and life. Listening to my mind and body’s needs has shifted with this phrase in the back of my mind. It will not be the end of the world if I wait a few extra weeks to spend time with my family. My tasks will get done as long as I dedicate time and effort. Not everyone will be happy with my boundaries, but those who truly care for my well-being will respect them.